Life feels chaotic right now. Honestly, it is one of those moments where I am standing on a bridge surrounded by thick fog, unable to see where it leads or what waits on the other side. For the first time in years, I feel completely disconnected, like everything I thought I knew has been stripped away.

Not long ago, I made the biggest leap of my life. I left behind everything familiar, the streets, the struggles, the life I thought I was trapped in, and moved across the country to Phoenix, Arizona. I did it for love. I did it for a fresh start. I did it because I believed there could be something better waiting for me. And for a short, beautiful moment, I found it.

I got to live a life I had only dreamed of. I became part of a family. I had two incredible step-sons who I was proud to cheer on at soccer practice and games. I had a wife who was not only beautiful but, for a time, my best friend. Life felt stable for once, like I had finally found something real and good, something worth building my life around. For that brief time, I thought I had escaped my past and found my future.

Then, it all fell apart. My wife and I split, and just like that, everything I had waited so long for slipped through my fingers. It is hard to even put into words how much that hurts. For a moment, I had a glimpse of what a “normal” life could feel like, only to lose it before it even really began.

Now, I feel like I am drowning. I do not know where to go or what to do. For the past 14 years, my life has been one long cycle of being locked up or stuck on probation. It has been half my life spent with no freedom, no room to breathe, no chance to really live. Now that I am finally free of that cycle, instead of feeling relief, I feel lost.

If I go back to Florida, I know exactly what waits for me there. The same streets, the same people, the same traps that kept me stuck for so long. It is like walking into a burning building, knowing the flames are going to consume you. I worked too hard to climb out of that life to fall back into it, but the truth is, I do not know where else to go.

I feel this crushing weight of uncertainty, this constant ache in my chest. Every step forward feels like it is sinking me deeper into quicksand. I am scared that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I will end up back in the same place, or worse.

I just want to find my footing again. I want to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to do next. But right now, I am struggling to see the road ahead. It feels like I am fighting a losing battle, and the loneliness, the confusion, the pain, it is suffocating.

To anyone who has ever felt this way, maybe you understand what I am going through. There is this desperate need to move forward, but every direction feels wrong. I am trying to keep going, trying to find something, anything, that gives me hope. But the truth is, it is hard to hold on when everything feels like it is slipping away.

I do not have all the answers yet. I do not know what my next move will be, but I do know one thing: I do not want to give up. I have come too far to let my past win. I just hope I can find the strength to keep fighting, even when it feels like the fight is already over.

For now, I will keep taking it one step at a time, even when the path ahead feels invisible.